So this weekend didn't go as well as I would've hoped. We only Q'd one out of eight runs. Izzie did her best, but I certainly did not. We had a couple of great and clean runs but time was an issue. The standard run where we were 0.15 seconds over still stings and if I had video I could edit in a flashing red arrow exactly where we lost the most time (hint: it was where I completely blanked on where I was going). Same with our jumpers run where we were 1.52 seconds over, glaring red arrow in my mind of that run exactly where that time was lost.
I do not blame my dog for any of this. She was a good girly all weekend and tried her very hardest. I found out some new things about her. For instance if we start a run and get buzzed by the timer to start again after only 3 jumps, she gets freaked out. I've never had that happen before and I've never really trained for that so I'm not sure what will help that. Maybe ending some courses early alternated with doing full courses just to party and start again?
Other things were not new but became glaringly obvious. I've been told it before but Izzie is constantly tuned into me to a freaky aware level and if I'm unsure then she's reading that loud and clear and is going to start melting. That's why we lost the time, that's why she's not sure about the weaves, that's why I want to cry thinking about how I caused her to fail. Even though I'm sure she is not one bit mad at me because I cost us a ribbon, I still feel like I let her down... Not because I feel worse for not getting a ribbon, but because I know as a team we can be great and my dog will bring it if I bring it too.
I went out there this weekend, shaking in my barefoot shoes for almost every run. Thinking "Well I know she doesn't like to weave in this barn" or "Do I do a blind cross here? What about all these front crosses to speed her up" or even "Where the fuck am I?" when I'm actually out on course.
The only run I felt truly confident on was the last run, a snooker run. I hate snooker, I'm terrible at planning my path and it stresses me out. I don't like choose your own adventure books and that's what snooker is to me. So I requested some help from Sarah. She's great at snooker paths and this one was no exception. I promised her wine if we Q'd and well I've gotta take a trip to the liquor store because we smoked that snooker run. Now if only I could trust my own brain as much as I trust my instructors. Or maybe I just need to drink more to loosen up so I can forget it's a trial and just run without inhibition... I doubt my sports psychologist from my skating days would approve of that last bit though haha.
Whatever I need to do, I better hop to it. I know we can blow these courses out of the water, Izzie has the skills. I just need to get over my demons.
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